Probably realising that they could have to wait another 40 years or so before staging the event again – by which time it may very well comprise 60 countries (I can see it now, Wales and Kazakhstan) – the Finns had put a lot of effort in. Understated and quirky little film clips, adorable presenters, monsters, Santa Claus and, best of all, heavy cello rock with head-banging. Yes, this has redefined coolness for me. Big guys head-banging while playing rock music on cellos. Wow. And it had to be in Finland, somehow.
Before making my own, highly subjective and opinionated, assessment of the actual songs, I almost feel obliged to address the topic of voting and the Balkan mafia, concepts which have sparked controversy in countries which feel that they should get votes simply because they always used to in the past. The Eastern block countries all voted for each other, basically. Ireland came last. Therefore there is a conspiracy. But there has always been some “neighbourly voting”, in the Mediterranean, in Scandinavia, among the German speaking countries, among the English speaking countries – and this was before we had the people’s vote. Thus it proved again, Ireland incomprehensibly gave 12 points to the UK, Sweden awarded theirs to Finland and so on. But the main factor behind the Eastern block countries getting the most points was the simple little fact that they had the best songs! Regional radio exposure of songs will continue to be a factor – people in Scandinavia have been listening to The Ark for weeks now, the Irish have probably been plagued by Scooch and in the Balkans… catch my drift? Whoever wins will have a song so strong that it gets votes from outside its region.
This really is of no significance in the greater scheme of things but I happened to watch the event on a German channel – the Germans, predictably, were disgruntled to find that in a Europe where everyone votes for their friends (if we accept that that is the case), Germany has no friends. Poor them. The Swedes, similarly, felt hard done by – Finland actually gave their 12 to Serbia! There is a case to be made for reorganising the event somehow, it is a bit unwieldy, but at the end of the day it is just a song contest. You know, a bit of fun.
I downloaded the songs on the night before and listened to them, which meant that I had heard them all but not seen the performers or their performances. It wasn’t an intentional strategy, but it ended up being very interesting – some songs rose considerably in my estimation upon seeing them performed, others… I have also watched the videos on the Swedish Television website for ESC, the size and ambition of which almost exceeds the official website of the competition. The end result according to my ever so carefully considered evaluation:
1. Serbia: Molitva
The right song rightly won. Brought tears to my eyes the first time I heard it, still sends shivers down my spine every time. Powerful, moving, fabulous song, sung in the native language of its country. I liked the performance as well, but I don’t think any performance could have added or detracted from the song. It stands, a worthy winner – too good for this competition, even.
2. FYR Macedonia: Mojot Svet
Lovely Balkan-pop song, catchy and vigorous. Makes me happy and bouncy, even if the superfluous dancing and the peculiar outfit nearly dragged the points down.
Wonderful power-ballad about the river of pain that is heartache. More Balkan shivers down my spine – I suppose I have to confess my soft spot for these languages (when sung) somewhere. Beautiful performance (green) but one which almost detracted from the song. Might have been more effective with Maria just standing still and letting, as it were, the music speak.
4. Sweden: The worrying kind
Yes, I did like the silly boys, even if their performance on the night was very shaky – but then I had heard the song on the radio so much that I knew what it was supposed to sound like. (See?) Abba rhythm, glam rock costume, Bowie lyrics… so un-unoriginal that it became fun. And it is a very catchy tune.
5. Bulgaria: Water
Water-themed ethno-techno with voice and drums – a song which I had initially written off but became impressed with as I saw the performance. You can always sell me drums. (And, some people would argue, Bulgarians.) I like it more and more.
6. France: L’amour a la francaise
Ah, the French. Not a great song, but nicely upbeat – and, more importantly, a great performance. This song has single-handedly confirmed a nagging suspicion of mine: there are French people with a sense of humour. These lads (who, let us not forget, were chosen to represent their country) have it in abundance, sporting pink suits and a text in Franglais. It still brings a smile to my face every time…
7. Georgia: Visionary Dream
A Georgian Björk, interesting tune and very accomplished singing. For sheer quality it merits a higher place, but I’m not crazy about Björk…
8. Ukraine: Dancing lasha tumbai
Verka Serduchka is not only a tinfoil transvestite, he is also a comedian. And this was fun.
9. Moldavia: Fight
Minus points for singing in English, but powerful rhythm and guitars. And a fiddle. We like fiddles.
10. Slovenia: Cvet z juga
I like the girl, the sound, the performance, the country. Something missing from the actual song, though. Points for singing in native language.
11. Finland: Leave me alone
I like the girl, the sound, the performance, the country… but the song was just not good enough. Too much teenage angst in the lyrics. Not enough punch. Hanna needed more punch.
12. Belarus: Work your magic
Had chemist-turned-pop-star Koldun sung in his native tongue, two things would have been achieved: more points from me and less pronunciation embarrassment. As it was his “willing” became, irrevocably, “wheeling”, conjured up all kinds of weird images in my head and sank the song. Having seen the video it really was a case of nice video, shame about the song. Also shame about the orange make-up they put the poor man in, it severely undermined his bid for “hunk of the competition” (as the commentator put it).
13. Hungary: Unsubstantial blues
Another case of great professional performance which deserved a lot more points but good as this song was it had precious little to do with the competition – or Hungary, for that matter. Sung in Hungarian I might have fallen for it.
Cheerful and bouncy. Not sure what the mixture of the languages did for anyone.
15. Russia: Song #1
TATU with more attitude? Heard and seen it before. Often.
Points to the Germans for sending a professional singing in German and not a clown. But somehow this little swing number did a Finland and fell between all chairs. Also not helped by the fact that I understand the language and don’t like the lyrics…
I’ve already forgotten this song. That was its chief problem.
Sweet little song and usually Irish pipes send me over the hills but it just went all wrong – if Ireland start sending people who can’t sing in key we are on a slippery slope.
Pale Ricky Martin wannabe with silly song – again a song which could have sounded marginally better in a language which is, well, Greek to the rest of Europe. The tedium would have been alleviated if Sarbel had gotten entangled in his scantily clad dancers. But the rope trick was pulled off and we fell asleep.
20. Latvia: Questa Notte
A bunch of Latvian men in hats singing Italian mock-opera. Badly. If there had been an element of humour in this it might have been saved.
21. Romania: Liubi, liubi, I love you
The Ukrainians sing (well count) in German, Latvians sing in Italian, the French play with English, most just use it – but this conglomeration of languages in a steadily accelerating song just made my head spin. And when you thought it couldn’t get any worse they allowed it to turn into something which sounded like syrtaki on speed.
22. Armenia: Anytime you need
Sentimental rubbish. I only woke up when the Moldavian rhythms woke me up.
23. Turkey: Shake it up shekerim
The commentator had the audacity to compare this with Sertab’s 2003 winner. He should be shot. This was an utter embarrassment, on all levels. How this ended up on fourth place is anybody’s guess.
24. UK: Flying the flag (for you)
Everyone involved should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.
So, there we have it. Some songs shouldn’t have been allowed to enter, others should really have made it from the semi-final – I missed Montenegro’s rock tune, Iceland’s ballad and Norway’s dance act (which was written by the Swedish pop factory and, had it been sung in Norwegian, would have been quite good). The Swiss vampires would have been less dull than the Armenian bloke… But in general I’m happy. You need some crappy tunes. It’s part of the fun. But I do think we should go back to singing in our native languages. How else am I going to be guaranteed my annual dose of Serbian?
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